is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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