I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
