just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
