we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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