it hurts more in the daytime
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Vodka?
Forever.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
