We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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