Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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