Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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