Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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