is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
