I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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