I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
