You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
