the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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