yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
