O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
