I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
