please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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