I CAN MOONWALK!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
