Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think a kid would responsible me up
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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