My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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