it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
