let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
