Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
