just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I cut my penus on the lid.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
