Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish you could order shots online.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
