cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
