THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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