wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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