U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
