Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
