i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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