I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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