i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
