What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
