it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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