yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
