woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Everyone says I win the strip club
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
