Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
