SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
