Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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