i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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