please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
