Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
