I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
