remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just puked most of my soul out..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
