Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
