Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
