well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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