this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
