Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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